That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
