I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
