just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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