I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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