My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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