You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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