Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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