Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
