It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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