You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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