No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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