What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
3pm strippers are depressing
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
