I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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