Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
