how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
