The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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