I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
