You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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