i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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