Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
