Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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