my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
