I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
