From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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