That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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