I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
