She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
