I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
