There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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