Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
