my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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