I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
