Whod you bang
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
