i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
