I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
