A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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