You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
