Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
