I didn't shave. On purpose
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
