the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
