Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
