I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
