Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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