you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
