i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
