i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
