Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
