Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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