You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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