Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
