You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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