so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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