Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
