It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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