is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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