I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
