I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
