It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
