When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
