dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
