Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
