I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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