Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
