Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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