I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
