dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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