i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
