youre lurking in front of me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
