she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
