She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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